My Dear Companion: Anxiety

What do you do when you are in extremely anxious situations?

Do you cry?

Do you want to disappear?

I am the type who instantly goes into “I don’t want to be alive anymore.” mode. As one can say, flight mode.

I used to go into flight mod for every little challenge in my life way too often. For example, one time I and my mother were visiting her friend. I vividly remember playing by myself in the living room, while adults were hanging out in the kitchen. There were really big interesting plates on display.(The one’s your mother in law buys for you when you get married.) Behind these fancy plates there were box of chocolate. While I was trying to reach for that chocolate, I was almost going to break one of those China plates that were on display. It moved but It didn’t fell or break. That doesn’t mean that I wasn’t scared. I was very scared and didn’t know what to do. I immediately hide behind the sofa.

A little later, my mother started calling my name. I was hearing her but I couldn’t respond to her. She kept calling my name. I wasn’t going to come out. She was extremely worried. All these ladies were very worried. At some point they left the house to search for me. They even looked if I felt from the balcony as we were in a very high building.
I couldn’t make a single noise but I was worried about my mother. My body was locked. I couldn’t speak or I couldn’t move. After they left the house, I quickly moved under the dining table. When they came back, they saw me. My mother just hit her knees to the floor and started crying.

Now, I am 23. I still find myself in extremely anxious situations quiet often. Not that I am looking for trouble but the life of a hustler baby (!) There is always something to take care of, there are my mistakes and failures. I have failed at many, many, many things because of my wild decisions and I spent restless nights because of my problems.

When I am facing my fears, I am not the nicest person to be around. I feel tired, I feel sad. I turn into a cry baby at first. I cripple up in my fear, and I don’t want to get out of the bed. I don’t want to eat or drink. I turn into a plant because there are deep thoughts in my head. Also a good way to admit that I am a control freak and when things are out of my control, I lose it.

What my experiences have thought me is that fears are there. During these wild situations, I mostly get to face my fears.Fears are in us, and those fears are the ones that tell us what we can’t achieve and what we are not enough for.

One of my favorite authors Robin Sharma says that “Any fear you don’t face becomes your wall.” I believe in that. Fear is learned. In fact the moment we were born we were thought fear. We have an extreme amount of fear because of the highly loaded judgement and comparison on Earth.

Therefore, today I encourage you to face your fears. If something bad is happening, I understand how upsetting it could be but try your hardest to show up for your day. We are simply human beings in this madness and we need believers to heal altogether. If you’ve done something bad, show up for it, own your mistake. Maybe that mistake is the biggest gift your life could give you.

When there is no rain, there is no rainbow.

Make a promise to yourself to show up for yourself today. Ask for miracles at the moment where you are not feeling enough. Let the universe handle, what you can’t handle for yourself. Stay with love, surrender with love.

The End

Millennial Hippie

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